Music I'm listening to: Hmm, do I even have to say it? We The Living, of course...haha.
Time: 3: 18 am
I should really be in bad, especially considering my to do list has 12 items on it and all of those will take a considerable amount of time...and of course I'll basically be in meetings all day starting at 9 am. So getting up at 6 or the latest 7 am looks like a necessity right now. But for whatever reason, I can't seem to fall asleep so I've decided to write a little to clear my head.
We have these "Toilet Talks." They're basically 11x17 sheets of paper with information on it (they usually look like a newsletter) that are posted in the toilet stalls. The most recent one was part of our "Love Your Body" Week and since i wasn't able to find many helpful resources I used a column that I have written several years ago for the student newspaper at my undergrad. The column basically talked about how I'm not always happy with the way I look and how - while media plays a part of it - I see body image issues as a larger issue in our society and how we need to fight that image in our head that shows us what we're supposed to look like.
Apparently this innocent little column has sparked some conversation amongst residents. Reactions seem to range from "it takes guts to put yourself out there like that" to "how can she be taken seriously in a professional world when she admits to things like that."
Here's a secret...
I'm a writer. I write for the writing's sake. I don't think about what people will think about what I write - or what they'll think about me based on what I write. Most of the time I'm in complete denial about the fact that people actually read what I write. This column is a good example. I'm always surprised when there's a comment. Why would anyone actually care about my ramblings at 3 am? I just write because it allows me to process, to reflect, to make sense of what's going on in my life.
And here's another secret...
You don't have to be perfect. Me admitting that I'm not happy with my body image doesn't affect my work as a Residence Life staff member. On the contrary, students that are facing similar issues may feel more comfortable talking to me now they know that I struggle with this as well. My job is about relating to people; and aren't people more likely to relate someone they see as human, with mistakes and issues, than to this "perfect" person?
And lastly....
Once you've reached a certain level of maturity and - hmmm, should we say "self-authorship" (I must have been reading Marcia Baxter Magolda lately) you just don't care all that much anymore about what others think about you. I do what I think is right, what feels right - if that's going to two concerts of my favorite band in one weekend or sharing in a column some very personal issues. I'm not here to impress any of my residents; I'm not here to be popular. I'm here to educate; I'm here to make an impact on students' lives.
Granted, it's taken me a long time. I have given in under peer pressure before. I remember those days in college when you just wanted to be "cool," when you'd never admit that you're struggling with something. But I'm glad I've moved past that...and I hope one day my students will as well.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Who am I? - Part 2
Have you ever done something completely insane and while you were doing it, you knew very well that this was insane and people would think you're crazy...but you did it anyone because you knew it'd be fun and "it just felt right." [Yes, I am a "feeler" on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.]
I did that today and yes, it was "crazy" and "insane" or whatever else you want to call it, but let me tell you, it was FUN. What did I do this time? Well, I drove several hours (2 1/2 to be exact) to see a band that I just saw yesterday (when it was only a 1-hour drive). And yes, it was about seeing the band, but it was also about the fact that this was something "crazy" - almost like a mini-adventure. One of those stories that'll make you laugh and that you'll tell your grandchildren about.
And let's be honest, this isn't the first time I've done something "crazy" like that. I remember a 2-hour bus trip to a city to see a movie (because I thought the "atmosphere" at a movie theater in the city would be better than in our small town); or when I saw Miss Saigon on Broadway twice in one week (hey, tickets were pretty cheap since it was the last week it was playing on Broadway); and there's countless examples from my Harry Potter obsession.
I think sometimes it's just that I'm such a workaholic and I get completely sucked into work and campus life and then my brain goes into overload and I need to do something "crazy" to get back to normal. Does that make sense? Probably not.
I guess I also approach everything I do like an obsession. I'm obsessed with my job - which is why I work 24/7 and even when I'm taking "time off," think about job-related things. Hey, I read a book about student development theory at the beach in Spain! Who does that? Similarly, I obsess over books (Harry Potter, maybe? Haha...yes, that's probably most extreme/lived-out obsession). And most recently, I've obsessed over this band. I guess that's just part of who I am. And part of this is just me not caring all that much anymore about what other people think about me. I've tried to fit in; I've tried to be what others expect me to be; but it has rarely worked and it never made me happy. So now I'm just "me," crazy, obsessed me - and I'm okay with that.
Anyway, one of my "avid readers" (as she likes to call herself) complained that my last blog ended a little too abruptly. So here's a little more about my "Austrian identity:"
When I first came to the US, I wanted to fit in; I wanted to be "American." I hated my accent and my name (there is no English version of my name; most Americans can't even pronounce it correctly) because they gave away that I'm not from here. I assimilated to American culture; I dressed the way Americans do; I listened to American music; watched American TV shows (not that I didn't do that back home in Austria as well - we get a lot of American TV and music...but I guess then I stopped listening to any Austrian music or watch any Austrian TV shows or movies that I had liked previously); I got annoyed when people asked me questions about Austria or made a big deal out of me being Austrian. I also kept my "Austrian" and my "American" lives very separate. When they collided, things became awkward; so I tried to avoid any connections as much as possible. When my parents came after my grad school graduation and helped me move to this new job, the two worlds were in danger of colliding; I was trying to keep them apart; and the result was a very awkward, strange week with lots of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. But I just didn't know how to deal with both worlds at the same time.
But my "Austrian" side will never go away. I will - at least not any time soon - be able to go through a job search without worrying whether or not an institution can hire me (based on my visa status) and how potential employers will react to me being from another country (occasionally I've had some not-so-positive reactions); I will never be able to introduce myself without getting the "What? What's your name? Can you say that again? I can't pronounce that" reaction; I will never be able to get rid of my accent completely; and I will always see things a little differently - because as much as I've lived here for 9 years now, I still often look at things from an outsider's perspective. It's easier for me to detach myself from American culture because, after all, it's not "my" culture - or at least not the culture I grew up with.
So more recently, I've decided to be embrace my Austrian heritage. If that's by listening to Austrian musical and making others listen to them, watching YouTube videos of my favorite Austrian stars or TV shows, tellings others about Austria without being asked/forced to do so. I recognize and value my ability to see things from an outsider's point of view. I am selective about what aspects of American culture I'm willing to assimilate to and where I will stick with my Austrian values and beliefs.
Yes, I still hate my accent - I don't know if I'll ever get over that. I still struggle when my two worlds get too close to each other. And I couldn't tell you what my "true identity" is...am I "Austrian," "American," "Austrian American"? None of these sound right. But I guess that goes back to not wanting to label myself. I'm just me.
(So I finished this entry, published it, and then thought a little more about it and decided I needed to add a few things...
I'm not completely anti labels. I think they help us make sense of the world around us. And even for me there are labels I identify with and am proud of...vegetarian! feminist! ally! I guess it's just when those labels are forced on you or when you're forced to choose one even when none of them fit, they become a problem.)
I did that today and yes, it was "crazy" and "insane" or whatever else you want to call it, but let me tell you, it was FUN. What did I do this time? Well, I drove several hours (2 1/2 to be exact) to see a band that I just saw yesterday (when it was only a 1-hour drive). And yes, it was about seeing the band, but it was also about the fact that this was something "crazy" - almost like a mini-adventure. One of those stories that'll make you laugh and that you'll tell your grandchildren about.
And let's be honest, this isn't the first time I've done something "crazy" like that. I remember a 2-hour bus trip to a city to see a movie (because I thought the "atmosphere" at a movie theater in the city would be better than in our small town); or when I saw Miss Saigon on Broadway twice in one week (hey, tickets were pretty cheap since it was the last week it was playing on Broadway); and there's countless examples from my Harry Potter obsession.
I think sometimes it's just that I'm such a workaholic and I get completely sucked into work and campus life and then my brain goes into overload and I need to do something "crazy" to get back to normal. Does that make sense? Probably not.
I guess I also approach everything I do like an obsession. I'm obsessed with my job - which is why I work 24/7 and even when I'm taking "time off," think about job-related things. Hey, I read a book about student development theory at the beach in Spain! Who does that? Similarly, I obsess over books (Harry Potter, maybe? Haha...yes, that's probably most extreme/lived-out obsession). And most recently, I've obsessed over this band. I guess that's just part of who I am. And part of this is just me not caring all that much anymore about what other people think about me. I've tried to fit in; I've tried to be what others expect me to be; but it has rarely worked and it never made me happy. So now I'm just "me," crazy, obsessed me - and I'm okay with that.
Anyway, one of my "avid readers" (as she likes to call herself) complained that my last blog ended a little too abruptly. So here's a little more about my "Austrian identity:"
When I first came to the US, I wanted to fit in; I wanted to be "American." I hated my accent and my name (there is no English version of my name; most Americans can't even pronounce it correctly) because they gave away that I'm not from here. I assimilated to American culture; I dressed the way Americans do; I listened to American music; watched American TV shows (not that I didn't do that back home in Austria as well - we get a lot of American TV and music...but I guess then I stopped listening to any Austrian music or watch any Austrian TV shows or movies that I had liked previously); I got annoyed when people asked me questions about Austria or made a big deal out of me being Austrian. I also kept my "Austrian" and my "American" lives very separate. When they collided, things became awkward; so I tried to avoid any connections as much as possible. When my parents came after my grad school graduation and helped me move to this new job, the two worlds were in danger of colliding; I was trying to keep them apart; and the result was a very awkward, strange week with lots of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. But I just didn't know how to deal with both worlds at the same time.
But my "Austrian" side will never go away. I will - at least not any time soon - be able to go through a job search without worrying whether or not an institution can hire me (based on my visa status) and how potential employers will react to me being from another country (occasionally I've had some not-so-positive reactions); I will never be able to introduce myself without getting the "What? What's your name? Can you say that again? I can't pronounce that" reaction; I will never be able to get rid of my accent completely; and I will always see things a little differently - because as much as I've lived here for 9 years now, I still often look at things from an outsider's perspective. It's easier for me to detach myself from American culture because, after all, it's not "my" culture - or at least not the culture I grew up with.
So more recently, I've decided to be embrace my Austrian heritage. If that's by listening to Austrian musical and making others listen to them, watching YouTube videos of my favorite Austrian stars or TV shows, tellings others about Austria without being asked/forced to do so. I recognize and value my ability to see things from an outsider's point of view. I am selective about what aspects of American culture I'm willing to assimilate to and where I will stick with my Austrian values and beliefs.
Yes, I still hate my accent - I don't know if I'll ever get over that. I still struggle when my two worlds get too close to each other. And I couldn't tell you what my "true identity" is...am I "Austrian," "American," "Austrian American"? None of these sound right. But I guess that goes back to not wanting to label myself. I'm just me.
(So I finished this entry, published it, and then thought a little more about it and decided I needed to add a few things...
I'm not completely anti labels. I think they help us make sense of the world around us. And even for me there are labels I identify with and am proud of...vegetarian! feminist! ally! I guess it's just when those labels are forced on you or when you're forced to choose one even when none of them fit, they become a problem.)
Monday, September 22, 2008
Who am I?
Time: 4:43 am [Why am I still awake?]
My StrengthsQuest Results: Achiever, Learner, Focus, Futuristic, Input
[I'm going to assume that many of you know what StrengthsQuest is. In case you don't, go to https://www.strengthsquest.com/ to find out more.]
Thank to those who commented on my latest blog. I always appreciate comments. Otherwise I'm always wondering if anyone's actually reading what I write. Not that it really matters because writing is pretty therapeutic for me - it helps me to reflect on what's going and figure out where to go from here. But it's nice to know that some people are actually interested in what I have to say. :)
Your comments also made me reflect a little more on my "funny advising story." And yes, maybe the student was trying to figure out my sexual orientation. I didn't even think about that at first, but now - reflecting on it - it makes a lot of sense. I have never made it through a year without at least a few of my residents asking this question - usually not to me but to other students (as if they knew the answer!!!) or RAs - and, as those of you who have been following this blog for a while, I also get the inappropriate comments on my dry-erase board or even parents questioning me on the phone.
Having this questions thrown at you every year has forced me to think about this question - and how I will respond to inquiries from residents or RA, as well as how I can prepare my RAs to respond to questions about my sexual orientation. And tonight, inspired by some of the questions asked by residents as well as some rumors that RAs have informed me about, I had one of those slightly awkward conversations with my RAs about how to respond to that question....
In the past, I would simply ask them not to answer to a question about my sexual orientation but either ask residents why they needed to know what my sexual orientation was or to encourage the resident to ask me directly. I'd leave it at that - letting the RAs wonder themselves what my sexual orientation is, which often became counterproductive as now they were whispering about it and asking each other rather than me. This year, I decided to ask them to respond in the above mentioned way but also give them some answers, so they didn't need to wonder....
I believe in Kinsey's research that says that only very few people are exclusively homosexual or heterosexual. I believe I lean toward being straight, but I'm not exclusively straight. I could definitely see myself falling in love with a woman; I have been attracted to women before - not that I've ever followed through on that...why might that be? Societal pressures; the way I was raised; concerns about how my family and friends would react? Or simply the fact that I rarely follow through on my feelings toward another person because I'm simply too damn scared (no matter if it's a man or a woman)? Who knows!
Fact is that I don't like to label myself. I realize the power these labels can have for someone who is looking for a group to fit in with, a word to describe him/herself, a way to talk about what he or she is feeling. But for me, a label would just mean having to box myself into something that I'm simply not sure about.
So who am I?
I often struggle with fitting into any of these neat categories; not just in regards to sexual orientation - but in regards to everything. It's as if I had several personalities - there's the "Austrian Me," the "American Me," the "ResLife Me," the "Wanna-Be-A-Singer/Dancer Me." I like to keep my personalities very separate. I get confused when the "Austrian Me" suddenly collides with the "American Me," for example when one of my friends from college in the US came home to visit me and was spending time with my Austrian friends and family. I didn't know how to act and who to be.
I've become too American to move back to Austria. And I'm too Austrian to ever really fit in here. When people ask me where I'm from, I always answer, "Oh, I grew up in Austria." I don't want to say that I'm "from Austria" because I feel like, I'm not from anywhere. Being "from" somewhere is like saying that you "belong" somewhere and I don't know anymore where I belong, where I'm at home, where my future should be.
My StrengthsQuest Results: Achiever, Learner, Focus, Futuristic, Input
[I'm going to assume that many of you know what StrengthsQuest is. In case you don't, go to https://www.strengthsquest.com/ to find out more.]
Thank to those who commented on my latest blog. I always appreciate comments. Otherwise I'm always wondering if anyone's actually reading what I write. Not that it really matters because writing is pretty therapeutic for me - it helps me to reflect on what's going and figure out where to go from here. But it's nice to know that some people are actually interested in what I have to say. :)
Your comments also made me reflect a little more on my "funny advising story." And yes, maybe the student was trying to figure out my sexual orientation. I didn't even think about that at first, but now - reflecting on it - it makes a lot of sense. I have never made it through a year without at least a few of my residents asking this question - usually not to me but to other students (as if they knew the answer!!!) or RAs - and, as those of you who have been following this blog for a while, I also get the inappropriate comments on my dry-erase board or even parents questioning me on the phone.
Having this questions thrown at you every year has forced me to think about this question - and how I will respond to inquiries from residents or RA, as well as how I can prepare my RAs to respond to questions about my sexual orientation. And tonight, inspired by some of the questions asked by residents as well as some rumors that RAs have informed me about, I had one of those slightly awkward conversations with my RAs about how to respond to that question....
In the past, I would simply ask them not to answer to a question about my sexual orientation but either ask residents why they needed to know what my sexual orientation was or to encourage the resident to ask me directly. I'd leave it at that - letting the RAs wonder themselves what my sexual orientation is, which often became counterproductive as now they were whispering about it and asking each other rather than me. This year, I decided to ask them to respond in the above mentioned way but also give them some answers, so they didn't need to wonder....
I believe in Kinsey's research that says that only very few people are exclusively homosexual or heterosexual. I believe I lean toward being straight, but I'm not exclusively straight. I could definitely see myself falling in love with a woman; I have been attracted to women before - not that I've ever followed through on that...why might that be? Societal pressures; the way I was raised; concerns about how my family and friends would react? Or simply the fact that I rarely follow through on my feelings toward another person because I'm simply too damn scared (no matter if it's a man or a woman)? Who knows!
Fact is that I don't like to label myself. I realize the power these labels can have for someone who is looking for a group to fit in with, a word to describe him/herself, a way to talk about what he or she is feeling. But for me, a label would just mean having to box myself into something that I'm simply not sure about.
So who am I?
I often struggle with fitting into any of these neat categories; not just in regards to sexual orientation - but in regards to everything. It's as if I had several personalities - there's the "Austrian Me," the "American Me," the "ResLife Me," the "Wanna-Be-A-Singer/Dancer Me." I like to keep my personalities very separate. I get confused when the "Austrian Me" suddenly collides with the "American Me," for example when one of my friends from college in the US came home to visit me and was spending time with my Austrian friends and family. I didn't know how to act and who to be.
I've become too American to move back to Austria. And I'm too Austrian to ever really fit in here. When people ask me where I'm from, I always answer, "Oh, I grew up in Austria." I don't want to say that I'm "from Austria" because I feel like, I'm not from anywhere. Being "from" somewhere is like saying that you "belong" somewhere and I don't know anymore where I belong, where I'm at home, where my future should be.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Funny Advising Story
Mood: annoyed
Book I'm currently reading: Dolly (it's in German; cute story about a girl at a boarding school...love it!!!)
Since I wrote that I'm annoyed, I should probably explain. I just sat through a 2-hour advising workshop that was completely pointless. There was no new information that was presented. I mean, it was new for advisers who just started working here this year; but as a third-year returner, I had heard all this before...last year and the year before that. The room was also FREEZING, so I was just uncomfortable and miserable the entire time. It probably didn't help either that I haven't gotten enough sleep lately, so I'm always tired and grumpy.
But let's talk about something fun...after all the title of this entry is "funny advising story." This may definitely turn into one of this "you had to be there" type stories...you may read it and think this makes absolutely no sense, or it's simply not funny. But I've spent quite some time giggling about it to myself, so I figured I should just tell you....
It was a sunny afternoon and I was holding advising appointments - one after the other, after the other. They usually start with a brief conversation about the students' transition to college, how they like or dislike living in the residence hall, our living learning community theme and how students want to get involved on campus. Then it turns to academics: how they are doing in classes, what their major is and why, the general education requirements, major requirements and what classes they want to take. At the end, I explain the registration process and that's basically it.
But on this sunny afternoon, a student walked in bursting with questions. He was a Math Education major and had tons of questions about the education department, what it means to be in a cohort, what classes he should take for his general education requirements and and and. I figured, if he's got that many questions, we'll just skip right to the academic part of the meeting and then get to the other questions later.
We've made it through most of the academic topics and we're now talking about his major and why he is interested in math education. We talked about how grading in math is so much easier because there's always a right or a wrong answer - very unlike Humanities and Social Sciences. I shared that my mother is a math teacher, so I had grown up around math education.
Suddenly, the student looked really excited and said, "So, is your mother here or back...?"
"Oh no, she's back in Austria," I said to finish his sentence.
"Oh, so that's where you're from!" the student exclaimed. "We've all been wondering where you're from and I decided I was just going to ask you. But now you said it, so I didn't even have to ask."
I laughed. It's not like it has ever been a secret that I'm from Austria. I'm pretty sure I even said it at the first All-Hall Meeting - and it was definitely on the Bulletin Board. And really, the students could have asked any RA and they would have told them...or just ask me.
And this is where the appointment changed from being about the student to being all about me. I'm not really sure how it happened, but suddenly I found myself answering questions about why I had come to the US, what I liked about it, where I had gone to undergrad and grad school, and and and. I didn't really mind since we'd covered most of the advising stuff already and I realize this may be the first time for some of this students to meet someone who hasn't been born in the US. [Quick side note: I went through this phase where I was really annoyed about all the questions I got about Austria - especially since they are always the same and are generally pretty boring to answer. I also went through this phase where I just wanted to be "like everyone else" and didn't want to be the freaky international student. But I've started to embrace my heritage a little more over the past few years and I don't mind answering questions that much....I feel like this is a longer topic I should go into for another blog entry.]
And then it happened. There was a little pause and I thought, maybe the student had run out of questions and I may actually get a chance to move us back to his experience and his transition to college, but oh no...
"So...this is kind of personal, but...do you want to have a family one day?"
Wow.
Definitely not a question I had anticipated.
The student was looking down, which made it even more awkward.
I tried to look away and my eyes fell on this picture of one of my guy friend that I - well, this blog's supposed to be honest, right? - that I kind of have a crush on. And before I could help it, I started blushing.
Yeah...AWKWARD!!!...our advising appointment ended shortly after that.
I still can't believe he really asked me that. That's definitely the most random question I've ever gotten during an advising appointment. And I'll have to learn to control this awkward blushing-thing...that's NEVER happened to me before.
Book I'm currently reading: Dolly (it's in German; cute story about a girl at a boarding school...love it!!!)
Since I wrote that I'm annoyed, I should probably explain. I just sat through a 2-hour advising workshop that was completely pointless. There was no new information that was presented. I mean, it was new for advisers who just started working here this year; but as a third-year returner, I had heard all this before...last year and the year before that. The room was also FREEZING, so I was just uncomfortable and miserable the entire time. It probably didn't help either that I haven't gotten enough sleep lately, so I'm always tired and grumpy.
But let's talk about something fun...after all the title of this entry is "funny advising story." This may definitely turn into one of this "you had to be there" type stories...you may read it and think this makes absolutely no sense, or it's simply not funny. But I've spent quite some time giggling about it to myself, so I figured I should just tell you....
It was a sunny afternoon and I was holding advising appointments - one after the other, after the other. They usually start with a brief conversation about the students' transition to college, how they like or dislike living in the residence hall, our living learning community theme and how students want to get involved on campus. Then it turns to academics: how they are doing in classes, what their major is and why, the general education requirements, major requirements and what classes they want to take. At the end, I explain the registration process and that's basically it.
But on this sunny afternoon, a student walked in bursting with questions. He was a Math Education major and had tons of questions about the education department, what it means to be in a cohort, what classes he should take for his general education requirements and and and. I figured, if he's got that many questions, we'll just skip right to the academic part of the meeting and then get to the other questions later.
We've made it through most of the academic topics and we're now talking about his major and why he is interested in math education. We talked about how grading in math is so much easier because there's always a right or a wrong answer - very unlike Humanities and Social Sciences. I shared that my mother is a math teacher, so I had grown up around math education.
Suddenly, the student looked really excited and said, "So, is your mother here or back...?"
"Oh no, she's back in Austria," I said to finish his sentence.
"Oh, so that's where you're from!" the student exclaimed. "We've all been wondering where you're from and I decided I was just going to ask you. But now you said it, so I didn't even have to ask."
I laughed. It's not like it has ever been a secret that I'm from Austria. I'm pretty sure I even said it at the first All-Hall Meeting - and it was definitely on the Bulletin Board. And really, the students could have asked any RA and they would have told them...or just ask me.
And this is where the appointment changed from being about the student to being all about me. I'm not really sure how it happened, but suddenly I found myself answering questions about why I had come to the US, what I liked about it, where I had gone to undergrad and grad school, and and and. I didn't really mind since we'd covered most of the advising stuff already and I realize this may be the first time for some of this students to meet someone who hasn't been born in the US. [Quick side note: I went through this phase where I was really annoyed about all the questions I got about Austria - especially since they are always the same and are generally pretty boring to answer. I also went through this phase where I just wanted to be "like everyone else" and didn't want to be the freaky international student. But I've started to embrace my heritage a little more over the past few years and I don't mind answering questions that much....I feel like this is a longer topic I should go into for another blog entry.]
And then it happened. There was a little pause and I thought, maybe the student had run out of questions and I may actually get a chance to move us back to his experience and his transition to college, but oh no...
"So...this is kind of personal, but...do you want to have a family one day?"
Wow.
Definitely not a question I had anticipated.
The student was looking down, which made it even more awkward.
I tried to look away and my eyes fell on this picture of one of my guy friend that I - well, this blog's supposed to be honest, right? - that I kind of have a crush on. And before I could help it, I started blushing.
Yeah...AWKWARD!!!...our advising appointment ended shortly after that.
I still can't believe he really asked me that. That's definitely the most random question I've ever gotten during an advising appointment. And I'll have to learn to control this awkward blushing-thing...that's NEVER happened to me before.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Music is taking over my life :)
There were times when music used to play a huge part in my life - when I took ballroom dancing lessons, when I was a member of WAMCO (Western Austrian Musical COmpany), during my exchange year when I was in choir, when we started our acappella group in college...just to name a few - but then I got sucked into this world of Student Affairs and my love for music was pushed aside. My "hobbies" during the last few years as an undergrad were all related to Student Affairs - leadership positions such as being a Resident Assistant, Orientation Leader, Executive Board Member of the National Residence Hall Honorary. And then I turned those hobbies into my profession...and suddenly I didn't have any hobbies anymore; I forgot what I used to do prior to Student Affairs and I didn't have or make the time to find anything new.
This past week, music has suddenly forced itself into my life again. It all started with the We The Living concert. Then, music came "flooding in" from every angle. One of my residents asked me if we could organize another concert - he has a friend who is a singer/songwriter and could come up for a weekend; he even burnt me a CD of his friend's songs. I checked one of my friend's MySpace pages - she is a singer/songwriter - and her new album just happens to come out in a few days (I can't wait!!!). I've arranged my advising schedule to make sure I could attend certain concerts. And this morning, when one of my RAs missed his one-on-one with me, I used that hour to play piano. I haven't done that in a long time.
Do I actually have a hobby again?
This past week, music has suddenly forced itself into my life again. It all started with the We The Living concert. Then, music came "flooding in" from every angle. One of my residents asked me if we could organize another concert - he has a friend who is a singer/songwriter and could come up for a weekend; he even burnt me a CD of his friend's songs. I checked one of my friend's MySpace pages - she is a singer/songwriter - and her new album just happens to come out in a few days (I can't wait!!!). I've arranged my advising schedule to make sure I could attend certain concerts. And this morning, when one of my RAs missed his one-on-one with me, I used that hour to play piano. I haven't done that in a long time.
Do I actually have a hobby again?
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Journalism vs Student Affairs
Quote of the Day:
"Never be the first to believe. Never be the last to deceive."
- Nobody's Side, Chess [Maybe not a very Student Affairs-y attitude - and not really my attitude since I'd probably be the first to believe and the first that was deceived...haha...but I just love that song. Especially when Uwe Kroeger and Pia Douwes sing it.]
Advising craziness has started and my life has ended - at least my personal and social life. Okay, maybe it's not that bad but it's definitely back to having meetings from 9 am until 11 pm, staying in the office until the wee hours of the morning and sleeping on my couch because I'm afraid that I won't wake up if I sleep in my oh-so-comfortable bed. And while the unavoidable workload is already enough to take over my life, I still manage to find other things to occupy myself with. I'm writing an article for a magazine - something that's caused me quite a lot of headaches these past three days. You'd think this was easy for me. After all, I have a degree in journalism; I was even editor-in-chief of our student newspaper. But oh no, of course I manage to put all this pressure on myself. I want this article to be FABULOUS. And I haven't written anything in so long - at least not anything serious (this blog really doesn't count because it's just me rambling on about life).
In my frustration, I've started looking through old short stories and newspaper articles that I've written. And of course now - hours later- I've got nothing for my article but have had more than one good laugh at my old cheesy columns. Even then - I was only in my second year as an RA - I was already a true ResLifer. My columns discussed social justice issues, eating disorders, alcohol use. And then, of course, the famous last column - full of bitterness - after having been forced to make a choice between ResLife and the newspaper (by my editorial board). Would I have stuck with journalism if I didn't have those bad experiences with our editorial board?
No, it seems impossible to imagine me doing anything but working in Student Affairs. Even now, when I'm stressed over fitting academic advising, programming, time for my RAs and grads, committee work, NRHH and everything else into 24-hour days, I'd still much rather do that then sit in a newspaper office. I liked journalism and I could have been happy doing it - but it wouldn't have been "my life." Maybe I'd have a little more balance in my life then, maybe I'd even be in a relationship and on my way to starting my own family, but something would be missing....
Well, now that it's a few hours later, I still haven't gotten past that first paragraph of my article (which is due by the end of the week...AHHHH), and those flyers for programs next week are non-existent, so I should probably stop blogging and either go to bed or do work.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
My Staff & Me
Mood: tired but happy
Items on my to-do list: answer e-mails, facilitate "lock your doors" program, prep for academic advising workshops, update Blackboard Site for EDL 306, develop prompt for first paper of my EDL 306 grads, figure out academic advising schedule, Social Justice Committee (I'm sure there's something I need to do for that even though I can't think of all the details right now) and and and...it's going to be quite the busy weekend
As you can see from my to-do list, I should probably do work right now. Instead I am sitting in the basement...we have a "Back To Childhood" program going on right now and the students are playing games and listening to music...and writing in this blog. It's just more fun than worrying about my endless to-do list right now.
I've spent a lot of time with my RAs lately...more than usually and that's saying something. In the past, I've often gotten the feedback from supervisors that I was too close with the students in the student organizations that I advised (RHA, NRHH); I never directly got that feedback about my relationships with RAs, even though I am at least as close with them, if not even closer...and this year more than ever. It's tough. I'm fully aware that there needs to be a line and some boundaries. After all, I'm their supervisor; I'm the one who fills out their job evaluations. But what do you do when you just have some fabulous RAs that you totally connect with?
But let's talk a little more about my supervisory style. I'm not necessarily an easy person to work for. I have very high expectations. My RAs have stricter programming requirements than other halls - for example, these past two weeks, we've basically had a program every single night. And unless they've had class, they've been at all of them. Last year, my RAs had a residential curriculum including meaningful conversations and one-on-one's with residents as well as very structured and intentional programming last year when the rest of the campus was still working with our regular programming model, which - let's be honest - was not as time-intensive. This year, at least, the rest of the campus has a similar model but I still feel like the model for our living learning community is a little more intense...mostly because we don't just have departmental strategies but about a million community-specific initiatives.
Knowing that I ask a lot of my staff, I also try to support them in any way I can. I try to build very close relationships with them because that relationship will be a better basis for our work together - then, they can will hopefully also trust me and tell me honestly when I'm asking too much of them. It also doesn't hurt that, when staff likes you, they tend to work a little harder because they don't want to disappoint you.
I will never ask anything of my staff that I wouldn't do myself. Which means that for the past two weeks, I've been at a program every night. When I know they're superbusy (like right now), I try to take on little tasks for them (like posting flyers in the hall or making ads for some of our programs). I try to recognize them regularly (by submitting Of The Month Awards through the National Residence Hall Honorary or leaving cute notes and little gifts in their mailboxes...that's actually something I should add to my to-do list because I got gifts for them last week but never got around to writing the notes...I'll take care of that tonight!). I also stop by their rooms often, ask how they are doing and try to do some fun things with them. And of course, as they share things about their personal life with me, I also tend to share some stories about my personal life with them, even though I always try to make sure the focus stays on them...unless they're just really curious about me.
But when you do all that, you, of course, become very close and the lines between supervisor and friend can easily get blurred.
What I tell myself though is that it's not an issue as long as you are still very clear about your expectations as a supervisor and the RAs are aware of these. You also have to be very careful to address any performance concerns early on and in an appropriate setting (like during a 1-on-1 and not while you're hanging out). Of course, you also have to be careful not to treat your RAs differently and have "favorites." I put "favorites" in quotes because, of course, you'll connect more with some than others - which I think is okay as long as you still reach out to all of them and treat them fairly in regards to their RA responsibilities. Yes, I don't hang out as much with some as I do with others - but I usually invite all of them when I do something, and just because I hung out with one RA more doesn't mean I'll let them off easier when it comes to their RA responsibilities or share info with them that I wouldn't share with the others.
Maybe I'm completely wrong, but this has worked pretty well for me so far. I think supervision is one of those things where you just have to figure out what works for you. I know many colleagues you wouldn't feel comfortable having the relationships with their RAs that I have with mine. And I think that's totally okay. But I also know that I probably couldn't work with them as well if I didn't have those personal connections.
Okay, enough about supervision. Let's talk about something a little more exciting....
One of my RAs and I went on a road trip to see this band I mentioned earlier, We The Living. As to be expected, we had a blast. :) We also got a chance to hang out with the band a little, which was really fun. They totally remind me of some of my friends from undergrad (friends who're all living way too far away from me, so I never get to see them). And I just felt like I could be myself around them. When I'm at school, I often feel like I have to be "First Year Adviser [insert name]" - around my students, my colleagues (the least around my RAs actually...haha). I mean, I can have fun and act crazy (like dancing on a table at an 80's Dance Party in our basement, being the first to start dancing at the RHA Formal, listening to the same song 20 times in my office because I'm in love with a certain band...what band might that be?...haha) but I always have that voice in the back of my head that says, "What kind of role model are you to your students/colleagues right now?" I guess that comes with having a job where you live in a fish bowl and have to be a good role model 24/7. And it's not like I actually do anything "bad" that my students and colleagues couldn't or shouldn't see. I guess I'm just a little more guarded around them.
Also, with my students and colleagues I usually just talk about work-related stuff. We may have a brief conversation about a TV show or something random, but then the conversation quickly shifts back to being about college life. And we all know I love college life. But it's just so refreshing to talk to someone who isn't part of this ResLife cult. It just gives me the feeling like I'm actually still a real person and not just this pathetic workaholic.
Okay, enough rambling. If you haven't done so yet, check out We The Living!!!
Items on my to-do list: answer e-mails, facilitate "lock your doors" program, prep for academic advising workshops, update Blackboard Site for EDL 306, develop prompt for first paper of my EDL 306 grads, figure out academic advising schedule, Social Justice Committee (I'm sure there's something I need to do for that even though I can't think of all the details right now) and and and...it's going to be quite the busy weekend
As you can see from my to-do list, I should probably do work right now. Instead I am sitting in the basement...we have a "Back To Childhood" program going on right now and the students are playing games and listening to music...and writing in this blog. It's just more fun than worrying about my endless to-do list right now.
I've spent a lot of time with my RAs lately...more than usually and that's saying something. In the past, I've often gotten the feedback from supervisors that I was too close with the students in the student organizations that I advised (RHA, NRHH); I never directly got that feedback about my relationships with RAs, even though I am at least as close with them, if not even closer...and this year more than ever. It's tough. I'm fully aware that there needs to be a line and some boundaries. After all, I'm their supervisor; I'm the one who fills out their job evaluations. But what do you do when you just have some fabulous RAs that you totally connect with?
But let's talk a little more about my supervisory style. I'm not necessarily an easy person to work for. I have very high expectations. My RAs have stricter programming requirements than other halls - for example, these past two weeks, we've basically had a program every single night. And unless they've had class, they've been at all of them. Last year, my RAs had a residential curriculum including meaningful conversations and one-on-one's with residents as well as very structured and intentional programming last year when the rest of the campus was still working with our regular programming model, which - let's be honest - was not as time-intensive. This year, at least, the rest of the campus has a similar model but I still feel like the model for our living learning community is a little more intense...mostly because we don't just have departmental strategies but about a million community-specific initiatives.
Knowing that I ask a lot of my staff, I also try to support them in any way I can. I try to build very close relationships with them because that relationship will be a better basis for our work together - then, they can will hopefully also trust me and tell me honestly when I'm asking too much of them. It also doesn't hurt that, when staff likes you, they tend to work a little harder because they don't want to disappoint you.
I will never ask anything of my staff that I wouldn't do myself. Which means that for the past two weeks, I've been at a program every night. When I know they're superbusy (like right now), I try to take on little tasks for them (like posting flyers in the hall or making ads for some of our programs). I try to recognize them regularly (by submitting Of The Month Awards through the National Residence Hall Honorary or leaving cute notes and little gifts in their mailboxes...that's actually something I should add to my to-do list because I got gifts for them last week but never got around to writing the notes...I'll take care of that tonight!). I also stop by their rooms often, ask how they are doing and try to do some fun things with them. And of course, as they share things about their personal life with me, I also tend to share some stories about my personal life with them, even though I always try to make sure the focus stays on them...unless they're just really curious about me.
But when you do all that, you, of course, become very close and the lines between supervisor and friend can easily get blurred.
What I tell myself though is that it's not an issue as long as you are still very clear about your expectations as a supervisor and the RAs are aware of these. You also have to be very careful to address any performance concerns early on and in an appropriate setting (like during a 1-on-1 and not while you're hanging out). Of course, you also have to be careful not to treat your RAs differently and have "favorites." I put "favorites" in quotes because, of course, you'll connect more with some than others - which I think is okay as long as you still reach out to all of them and treat them fairly in regards to their RA responsibilities. Yes, I don't hang out as much with some as I do with others - but I usually invite all of them when I do something, and just because I hung out with one RA more doesn't mean I'll let them off easier when it comes to their RA responsibilities or share info with them that I wouldn't share with the others.
Maybe I'm completely wrong, but this has worked pretty well for me so far. I think supervision is one of those things where you just have to figure out what works for you. I know many colleagues you wouldn't feel comfortable having the relationships with their RAs that I have with mine. And I think that's totally okay. But I also know that I probably couldn't work with them as well if I didn't have those personal connections.
Okay, enough about supervision. Let's talk about something a little more exciting....
One of my RAs and I went on a road trip to see this band I mentioned earlier, We The Living. As to be expected, we had a blast. :) We also got a chance to hang out with the band a little, which was really fun. They totally remind me of some of my friends from undergrad (friends who're all living way too far away from me, so I never get to see them). And I just felt like I could be myself around them. When I'm at school, I often feel like I have to be "First Year Adviser [insert name]" - around my students, my colleagues (the least around my RAs actually...haha). I mean, I can have fun and act crazy (like dancing on a table at an 80's Dance Party in our basement, being the first to start dancing at the RHA Formal, listening to the same song 20 times in my office because I'm in love with a certain band...what band might that be?...haha) but I always have that voice in the back of my head that says, "What kind of role model are you to your students/colleagues right now?" I guess that comes with having a job where you live in a fish bowl and have to be a good role model 24/7. And it's not like I actually do anything "bad" that my students and colleagues couldn't or shouldn't see. I guess I'm just a little more guarded around them.
Also, with my students and colleagues I usually just talk about work-related stuff. We may have a brief conversation about a TV show or something random, but then the conversation quickly shifts back to being about college life. And we all know I love college life. But it's just so refreshing to talk to someone who isn't part of this ResLife cult. It just gives me the feeling like I'm actually still a real person and not just this pathetic workaholic.
Okay, enough rambling. If you haven't done so yet, check out We The Living!!!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Priorities
Music I'm listening to: We The Living, my favorite band (check out their Web site www.wetheliving.com)
People I just hung out with for hours: my RAs (big surprise there...haha)
Week 2 has started and is half-way over. It's been another busy week. You'd think that having Labor Day off would have helped, but it hasn't. We did a Service Project on Sunday that kept me busy for the majority of the week; we had a concert last night; the Residence Hall Association had their Info Session tonight and our NRHH meeting was as well; I have a program tomorrow night; a program on Friday (that I may be skipping to go to a concert...hmmm...we'll get back to that); a workshop I'm attending on Saturday and a program at night. During the day, I've had one meeting following the next. I felt very unprepared for the class I'm teaching today but fortunately it went way better than I thought it would and I realized that I actually know the material (that was a pleasant surprise, trust me!).
Some may say that we've been "overprogramming" and overwhelming our residents with events and meetings; but we're still having a very captive audience and get good turnouts for all events, so I will continue to believe that we're on the right track. Our service trip for Saturday is already full (we can only take small numbers of students due to the limited number of volunteers that local agencies can need at a time); I've had three students come up to me already with ideas for programs they want to do (I'm meeting with one of them tomorrow); and while some of my RAs are a little stressed, they're still doing pretty well overall and a few of them are even talking about extra programs they want to do (that's just crazy, if you ask me).
I've been pretty drained lately though. My to-do list keeps growing and there's just no chance that I'll get completely caught up. At night - after my marathon days of meetings - I'm just tired and all I want to do is hang out with my staff and chat or read a good book.
We all know I'm a workaholic but recently I've developed habits that you could almost call "making my personal life a priority" which is something supervisors have told me to do for years. Some of my RAs and I are talking about going to a concert on Friday. We have a program going on that night - but it's one of those that's pretty much set up and we only have to get residents there - which I'm sure the other staff members can do. We rented out the ice rink...we and another hall. My first year I did that I had too many students, so they couldn't all get on the ice. So I'm sure nobody will notice that I'm not there. Still, it's something I would have never done a year ago. Or maybe I would have if the "right" concert was happening and it just didn't. Who knows. But this has made me think about some interesting conversations about priorities that I've had lately....
As a department, we say that we value social justice education. We have a Social Justice Committee, which I'm chairing this year. Our student staff members are required to complete a Social Justice requirement as part of their community development expectations. We host a Tunnel of Oppression every year. But on a personal level, I'm not always sure to what extend social justice education is a priority for staff members. I don't think it's a lack of interest or passion; it's simply that, if something is not required to do, I won't do it because I'm already stretched way too thin with the things I have to do. I mean, it's not like I'm any better. Many evenings, if I have the choice between going to a social justice event on campus or relaxing in my apartment, I'll probably choose the relaxing because I'm just TIRED/EXHAUSTED/DONE.
We talk a lot about what our priorities are or should be - but let's be honest: in the end you do what is required and has to be done by a deadline and only after that, you'll even start considering some of these "extra" things.
Hmm, I feel like I had a point there somewhere but I'm not sure what it is. It's also almost 2 am and I should have been sleeping for hours by now (especially considering I got barely any sleep last night). I guess my point is that having priorities doesn't always mean that these things will then happen. So if we want things to happen, then we need to make them mandatory.
So maybe my point is also that you shouldn't hold on to your priorities/standards too much because they only go so far. In the end, a lot just depends on the situation.
Okay, I lost my train of thought again. Maybe that's a sign that I really really need to go to bed.
Take care...and don't forget to check out www.wetheliving.com.
People I just hung out with for hours: my RAs (big surprise there...haha)
Week 2 has started and is half-way over. It's been another busy week. You'd think that having Labor Day off would have helped, but it hasn't. We did a Service Project on Sunday that kept me busy for the majority of the week; we had a concert last night; the Residence Hall Association had their Info Session tonight and our NRHH meeting was as well; I have a program tomorrow night; a program on Friday (that I may be skipping to go to a concert...hmmm...we'll get back to that); a workshop I'm attending on Saturday and a program at night. During the day, I've had one meeting following the next. I felt very unprepared for the class I'm teaching today but fortunately it went way better than I thought it would and I realized that I actually know the material (that was a pleasant surprise, trust me!).
Some may say that we've been "overprogramming" and overwhelming our residents with events and meetings; but we're still having a very captive audience and get good turnouts for all events, so I will continue to believe that we're on the right track. Our service trip for Saturday is already full (we can only take small numbers of students due to the limited number of volunteers that local agencies can need at a time); I've had three students come up to me already with ideas for programs they want to do (I'm meeting with one of them tomorrow); and while some of my RAs are a little stressed, they're still doing pretty well overall and a few of them are even talking about extra programs they want to do (that's just crazy, if you ask me).
I've been pretty drained lately though. My to-do list keeps growing and there's just no chance that I'll get completely caught up. At night - after my marathon days of meetings - I'm just tired and all I want to do is hang out with my staff and chat or read a good book.
We all know I'm a workaholic but recently I've developed habits that you could almost call "making my personal life a priority" which is something supervisors have told me to do for years. Some of my RAs and I are talking about going to a concert on Friday. We have a program going on that night - but it's one of those that's pretty much set up and we only have to get residents there - which I'm sure the other staff members can do. We rented out the ice rink...we and another hall. My first year I did that I had too many students, so they couldn't all get on the ice. So I'm sure nobody will notice that I'm not there. Still, it's something I would have never done a year ago. Or maybe I would have if the "right" concert was happening and it just didn't. Who knows. But this has made me think about some interesting conversations about priorities that I've had lately....
As a department, we say that we value social justice education. We have a Social Justice Committee, which I'm chairing this year. Our student staff members are required to complete a Social Justice requirement as part of their community development expectations. We host a Tunnel of Oppression every year. But on a personal level, I'm not always sure to what extend social justice education is a priority for staff members. I don't think it's a lack of interest or passion; it's simply that, if something is not required to do, I won't do it because I'm already stretched way too thin with the things I have to do. I mean, it's not like I'm any better. Many evenings, if I have the choice between going to a social justice event on campus or relaxing in my apartment, I'll probably choose the relaxing because I'm just TIRED/EXHAUSTED/DONE.
We talk a lot about what our priorities are or should be - but let's be honest: in the end you do what is required and has to be done by a deadline and only after that, you'll even start considering some of these "extra" things.
Hmm, I feel like I had a point there somewhere but I'm not sure what it is. It's also almost 2 am and I should have been sleeping for hours by now (especially considering I got barely any sleep last night). I guess my point is that having priorities doesn't always mean that these things will then happen. So if we want things to happen, then we need to make them mandatory.
So maybe my point is also that you shouldn't hold on to your priorities/standards too much because they only go so far. In the end, a lot just depends on the situation.
Okay, I lost my train of thought again. Maybe that's a sign that I really really need to go to bed.
Take care...and don't forget to check out www.wetheliving.com.
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