What type of job do I want???

It's become impossible to get through a day without the topic of job searching coming up. It's either a colleague asking me how the search is going, a supervisor or friend asking about my resume (as they know that I've been revising it and don't have it done yet), someone asking what positions I'm interested in, and and and. I'm not a big fan of those conversations - they make me nervous and make me stress out about having to figure out what I want.
Here's my problem: I could see myself doing a variety of different positions. That's a good thing, you say? Well, yes, to some extent. But I could see myself do so many different things that I don't know what to look for, what jobs to apply, what's even realistic -and then I just get stressed and worried and go into denial-mood where I pretend that I don't need to focus on searching yet.

I'm definitely considering staying in Residence Life. But what within Residence Life do I want to do? Do I want to be a hall director again? I could see myself living-in for a few more years (not forever though); I love working with RA staffs; I enjoy interacting with students (most of the time; unless they're giving me a headache because they are acting out and are getting themselves in trouble). But would I be happy being "just" a hall director? I mean, I've done this for the past three years (five if you count grad school) - and I haven't "just" been a hall director; I've also had academic advising responsibilities. So ideally, I'd probably want a hall director job that also offers me some other responsibilities and opportunities (maybe something with student activities or student leadership or orientation since those are other areas that I'm interested in).
Or should I look for a coordinator-level position? I think I'd enjoy working with graduate students and professional staff. I've gained a lot of experience over the past years and have a lot of ideas about how I would supervise my professional staff members and how I would want to train and challenge them. Supervisors and colleagues have encouraged me to look for that next step, to go for those type of positions. But am I really ready for that? And do I even have a shot at getting a position like this? I have three years of post-master's experience in Residence Life - often the minimum qualification for coordinator-level positions. MINIMUM!!! So what really are my chances? Would I just be setting myself up for a long, frustrating and unsuccessful job search? And am I really ready to take that next step? I know I'd miss working with student leaders. Yes, you can still do that as a coordinator through indirect supervision of RAs, through advising student organizations, but it wouldn't be the same as having my own student staff team.

People often assume that I am very ambitious. Yes, I am a workaholic and my job has been my life for the past three years. But I don't see myself being the youngest director of Residence Life; I don't care how much money I make; I don't need to have a "glamorous" career (if that's even possible in Student Affairs). I just want to have a job that I will enjoy and where I feel like I'm making a difference and am having an impact on students' lives. But how do I know what job that is?

It's official...

Last Friday, we had to turn in our letters of intent stating whether or not we were planning on coming back. We have the option to turn in a "maybe" letter and if you'd asked me a year ago, I would have said that I'd be turning in a "maybe" letter - just so that I'd have a job in case the job search isn't going well. I really disliked having to turn in my letter of intent so early; I was used to a system where you tell the office that you aren't coming back when you have a new job (obviously you'll let them know that you're searching but you have your job until you have found something new). That always seemed very supportive and just "nice" for the staff members and I always wished we had that system here. I get that it makes it tougher for the office - you may end up with a vacancy the week before opening and what do you do then? But it just seemed like the nice thing to do for your employees.

Well, I thought about and now I don't know anymore which system I prefer. I think having to make the decision whether or not you come back in January is scary and puts a lot of pressure on staff members. Even if you turn in that "maybe" letter, you'll be highly encouraged to make a decision once some of the placement conferences are over, so that the office knows how many staff members they can hire - and at that point, you still won't know yet if you get a new job or not. But otherwise, you may have these staff members sticking around, who really should have left a long time ago, just because the "perfect" job offer hasn't come around yet.

Surprisingly the decision to turn in a "no" letter was pretty easy. I know I'm job searching. I don't think I'd be able to give 100 percent in this job for another year - I just feel like it's time for something new. There's a part of me that's completely freakin' out and sees myself unemployed and kicked out off the country by May 15th (when my current contract ends), but usually I don't let that part of me take over. I didn't want to be a "maybe" - I'd still have to make the decision whether or not I'm coming back before I have a job offer, so it wouldn't be any easier in a few months. I'd rather just get this whole decision-making part over with. Now it's done. It's official. I will not be returning to my current position for next year.

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Keep your fingers crossed that I'll find a job or next year this blog will have to be called something like "With Broken Wings."

Haha.

Quick update from my job search process: I have finally revised my resume. I've sent it to my supervisor and another colleague and asked them to look over it. I've also looked at the ACPA Placement site and marked a few jobs. And I've looked at HigherEd Jobs and marked a few positions there. There's not a lot out there yet. And I'm still not sure what I'm looking for - Hall Director? Coordinator? Something outside of ResLife? There's so many things I could see myself doing...and then there's the fear of not getting a job if I shoot for some higher-level position or something outside of ResLife, so maybe just sticking with what I'm doing now but at another school would be fine...
I don't know.
People generally think that I'm very ambitious because I'm an overachiever and a workaholic and my job's basically my life. But really, I'm not. I don't want to be the youngest Director of Residence Life; I don't need to move up quickly. I like what I'm doing. I enjoy working with students. I just want a job; something I'm going to enjoy doing.

Living on your own...

I've lived on my own for almost 8 years now. I got the RA position my sophomore year, so since then I've either had a single in a residence hall or - later as a grad hall director and now full-time staff member - an apartment. And when you live on your own, you start developing interesting habits...

I, for example, talk to myself. Now that's not necessarily something new. When I was younger, I'd make up imaginary friends and talk to them on my way to and from school (what else can you do to amuse yourself when walking down the same streets every day?) - but it's definitely increased since I've lived on my own. It's not like I talk to myself every day and have in-depth conversations. But sometimes, it's just so quiet in the room and I may walk in and say "hi" to a stuff animal, a picture on the wall or just call into the room, "Honey, I'm home" because I think it sounds funny.
Sometimes - like right now - I talk out loud while writing; it helps me figure out how to say what I want to say.

Eating/cooking is also an interesting thing when you live on your own. First of all, I've found it challenging to keep a regular eating schedule. When I'm in the middle of work, there's really nothing to stop me from continuing to work and just eating later.
I also don't sit down at the dining room table and eat. My dining room table has become a great place to keep supplies for art projects that I'm currently working on, to put down random things that I need to deal with later (from shopping bags that I'm too lazy to sort through right away to stacks of paper from work). I eat my meals either at my desk in the office - so that I can continue to do work - or on my couch while either reading a book or watching TV.
One thing I really don't like about living on your own: cooking for yourself. Cooking for one person is just a pain. Most of the time, you just end up making too much. And then I don't want to waste food, so I eat it all and then I eat too much. Yes, I could put some in the fridge so that I can eat leftovers later but usually it's not enough for a second meal...it's just a little too much for one. I've also developed the habit of eating while I'm cooking - so by the time I'm completely done cooking, half my food is already gone and I just ate standing up in the kitchen.
So let's be honest: I don't cook all that often. For all the above-mentioned reasons; and just because it takes up too much time. By the time I think about eating I'm usually already starving. So I need food then and there. Fortunately I have a meal plan, so I can either run to a dining hall or I just buy something at one of our markets that can be heated up in the microwave.

Oh, living on your own! Most of the time I love it, but you definitely develop some weird quirks and it'd be a challenge to get used to living with another person again.

Job Searching?

So I probably should be fixing my resume right now (it's almost completely updated...there's two or three publications I need to add, but it's also 4 pages long...a little long, huh?) or looking through jobs at HigheredJobs.com or the ACPA Placement Web site. Instead I'm procrastinating.

I know I need to seriously start thinking about job searching. I need to get ready. But I'm just having a hard time getting motivated. I think part of it is my own fear of job searching - I really really don't like it. It's nerve-racking, it's an emotional roller coaster and it takes up way too much time.

But I know I need to get started soon....

When attacks get personal...

I was reading someone else's blog tonight and the comments section (he had 25 comments about one of his posts!!!) was a few people arguing back and forth. And as the argument went on, getting more and more heated, the attacks also became more and more personal and I became more and more intrigued - I was trying to figure out why people feel that they need to make everything personal. Why do heated debates about topics so often turn into personal attacks? Why can't we just debate, argue or provide constructive feedback but leave out all that personal stuff???

We recently received the results to one of the surveys our office does every year. The survey asks residents to talk about their experiences in the residence halls, the academic advising that they receive and the community in general. It also allows them to provide some general feedback and suggestions for improvement. As I was reading through the comments, some of them were helpful (e.g. students asking for more community service activities) but others were simply frustrating. One student, for example, said - when asked what could be done to improve our living learning community - that I am the worst aspect of the community and then continued to question my taste in music. How does my taste in music relate to anything I do as a First Year Adviser? Tell me what it is that I did that you didn't like - then I could see how I can stop being so horrible, but with all respect I do believe I still have the right to choose what type of music I want to listen to.

We all know that we can't make every student happy. But it's not fun seeing a comment like "...is the worst adviser" or "she is horrible at her job and does not care about the people in the building." At those moments, I wish I didn't care because then these comments couldn't hurt me. If you need me to be more available, that's something I can try to work on (within limits because occasionally even I have to sleep); or if you didn't feel like I explained the academic requirements clearly enough, that's something I can try to do better in the future. But when you just attack me, what am I supposed to do?

I guess it's just one of those things...when someone doesn't know what to say, maybe feels like he or she is losing an argument or is frustrated with a situation but isn't brave enough to address the issue directly and honestly, one just slashed out and turns things into a personal attack. It's why an animal that feels cornered and doesn't see a way out may attack you - even if it's usually a very peaceful being. Maybe it's the inability to find the right words to express one's concerns that leads to some of those rather hurtful comments. And maybe I just got on the wrong side of one of those students because I actually do my job and enforce policies and don't let them walk all over me.

I do want to take this feedback seriously though and see what I can do to improve. How else will I grow as a professional? So as much as I need to find a way not to let those comments hurt me personally and keep me up at night, I also can't just dismiss them and pretend they didn't exist. There are some students in this building, who are very unhappy with how I've been doing my job - and even if that's only a handful, that means I need to reevaluate whether or not I'm doing a good job or if there are areas where I need to step it up a little.

I shared some of the survey results with my staff (the ones that pertained to them) and I was a bit frustrated with their reaction. There were several areas where we didn't do so well in, especially compared to the averages from all residence halls. And yes, some of those areas were surprising to me as well and I've been trying to figure out why we may have gotten those results. But while it would have been okay for them to say that they were surprised, I wasn't very impressed with their need to immediately come up with a million excuses and question the validity of the survey. Or what about the argument that since only 60 out of our 280 residents filled out the survey when 50% of them were unhappy, those were in the end only 30 students - so why make a big deal out of it?

I guess as much as people don't know how to provide constructive feedback or have a civilized conversation, people also don't know how to receive feedback and learn from it. *Sigh.* is.

Welcome to a new semester...

The new semester is about to start. The residence hall opens tomorrow, classes start on Monday.
This will be my last semester here. It's so weird to think about that. Part of me is excited - I'm ready to move on. I think I'd get burned out and wouldn't be able to put 100 percent into my job anymore if I stayed for another year - but it's also strange to think that I'll be leaving here. I've become really comfortable here - I know what my job entails, I feel comfortable with the different responsibilities we have here (even though there's always areas to improve in), I know the different departments and student organizations and many of the student leaders here. It's not going to be that easy to leave.

I thought the Tunnel of Oppression would be this amazing, awesome event - THE big thing - my big contribution before I left. And I thought I would have this feeling of accomplishments, of "closure" at the end of it. But I didn't. The Tunnel went alright - but not as well as I would have liked. There were just little but annoying behind-the-scenes thing. We made it a little bigger (more tours, three instead of two days) but we still struggled with the student groups we worked with, volunteers were a mess (because not everyone who signed up actually showed up) and I just felt like we could have done a better job.

So now I have this new event - the Invisible Children Challenge. One of my RAs and I are organizing it. I've worked with Invisible Children for three years - a couple roadies came here during my first year and contacted RHA (which then meant that RHA contacted me since I was one of their advisors) and we hosted a showing of the documentary. Last year, one of my residents was very passionate about Invisible Children and as an entire community we got involved with Invisible Children. We did showings and fundraisers, tried to get other halls involved and really focused on spreading the word about Invisible Children. Last semester, I offered to do showings in other halls - only three took me up on this opportunity but that's better than nothing, right? So this being my last semester here, it's only appropriate that we are doing something HUGE related to Invisible Children.
The Challenge will be a competition between different teams to see who can get the most people to see the documentary, raise the most money, sell Invisible Children merchandise, collect books and and and. At the end of the competition, we are having a big Closing Ceremony (with some educational components such as information about our partner school in Uganda, the current situation in Uganda and small group discussions). Of course there'll be some entertainment. We're trying to get one of our a-cappella groups to sing. And we've booked our favorite band, We The Living, to come and perform.
And here's the frustrating part: People seem to assume that I'm only doing this because I wanted to have a reason to organize another We The Living concert. I'm not going to lie, that was very convenient and I definitely wanted those guys to come back and play here again. But I've been passionate about Invisible Children a long time before I'd even heard about We The Living. It's just one of those fun coincidences that my favorite band is also passionate about the same cause as I am - also one of the reasons why I like them.
But I feel like some staff members aren't even giving this Invisible Children Challenge a chance and aren't even taking it seriously simply because it involves my favorite band. How is that for being childish?

And I really want this event to be successful. This could be my big thing - part of my legacy. And maybe I'll be able to get that feeling - that feeling of having accomplished something big, of being happy with what we've done, of finding closure - knowing that I've done great things here and can now move on. I don't want the last thing that people will remember about me be a big flop. And I feel like so many things haven't gone as well as I'd wanted them to this year - so I need this. Even just for myself - to know that I can still do great things.

Okay, enough about Invisible Children...

I've had a hard time motivating myself lately. I have tons of stuff to do but I sit around and daydream or simply do NOTHING. The semester hasn't even started yet and I already feel like I'm behind with work. I haven't updated my resume yet or really looked at available positions. I haven't even done much stuff for the Invisible Children Challenge - I have a whole list of things that I need to do and so far I've only played around with the Web site and come up with a t-shirt design - and that while we really need to roll out phase one of our advertising on Monday. There aren't going to be enough hours in the day tomorrow. I should probably try to get some more work done tonight but I'm just tired and my eyes hurt...so I think I'll just go to bed and try to wake up early tomorrow.

And so a new semester is beginning....