The Interview - Part 2

I'm sure you've all been waiting anxiously to hear how my interview went, so here we go...

One of my least favorite moments of on-campus interviews is when you get off the airplane and walk toward baggage claim looking for the person that is supposed to pick you up. It's just nerve-racking. Will you find them? Will you make a fool out of yourself? You don't want to look around too anxious or scared because what kind of first impression would that make. But you also don't want to walk along too confidently or they won't realize you're "the candidate" and you may miss them. My heart always starts beating like crazy at these times - it's like when you're at Placement and are sitting in the Waiting Room. Just thinking about that makes me nervous...LoL.

Anyway, I found the staff members picking me up. We got my luggage. I was trying very hard to make small talk - after all, I wanted to make a good impression. I can be rather quiet and introverted when I don't know people; so it takes some effort to come up with topics to talk about and remember that I shouldn't just stand there quietly.

That evening, one of the staff members took me out to dinner and showed me the area. Afterwards, I called one of my friends from grad school who works at that institution and we met up and hung out for a while. I hadn't seen her in years and it was wonderful to catch up. We kept thinking/dreaming about what it were like if we both worked at the same institution - and then I had to stop myself from getting too excited because after all, I needed to get the job first.

I was staying in a vacant Area Coordinator apartment, which was nice because it allowed me to see what the apartment I'd live in could look like.

The next day, I got up early and got ready for the interview. Another moment I don't like - the waiting in the apartment to be picked up. You just sit there and get progressively more nervous. AHHHH!!!

I got a campus tour, interviewed with different groups of people (Residence Life, Housing, Campus Partners, RAs) - I really enjoyed the interview with the RAs. They just had a lot of energy and enthusiasm and were "fun" to talk to.

I soon realized that I could really work there. Not everything would be perfect - but I have long ago given up on the idea of finding the "perfect" job. I don't think that exists. In every job, there will be some things that you'll love and others that you aren't that fond of. The question is whether there are enough things you like and enjoy doing to weigh out the ones you don't love that much.

The position is called an Area Coordinator but it is basically a Hall Director. Why do we call things differently at each institution? Do we just try to make things confusing? But I guess that's a topic for another blog. So anyway, I'd be supervising a staff, managing a building or area, working with committees, doing some judicial - exactly the type of position that one of my colleagues would consider a "step down" for me but also exactly the things I enjoy doing. There's also a chance I may get to work with RHA and NRHH and if you've been following the blog, you know that I LOVE doing that. :)

I know I'd enjoy living there. I'm a workaholic, but one of the few things that can get me away from work is the beach. And I'd only be a few miles from the beach. The department really values balance and encourages that a lot - from making sure that after-hours, only the duty person gets called to allowing employees to take weekends off on a regular basis if they're not on call. What a change that would be!!! Even workaholic-me may have a life there.

And having nice weather all year long...how amazing would that be?

I tried hard throughout the day not to fall too much in love with the school. I just didn't want to get my hopes up and then possibly be disappointed.

It helps that, as much as I can be very impulsive and tend to fall in love quickly, I would also consider myself to be a realist. I knew I wouldn't love everything about this job. The department is very set on dressing business casual during office hours and we all know I don't like to dress up. Not being able to wear jeans and a nice shirt to the office will be a struggle. And they won't even let you wear nice flip flops or sandals. Come on!!! Oh well, I don't mind dressing up as much when it's warm out - and I guess I'll have to get used to that eventually anyway, right?

I'm not sure how I feel about their programming model. It's just very basic and leaves a lot of responsibility up to the RAs. I've really embraced the Residential Curriculum in the past two years and truly believe that we, as Master level professionals, should play an active role in program planning - but hey, these are things that can be changed, right? I mean I'll give "their way of doing things" a chance...and then, once I've gotten to know the institution and the department, I will start bringing in some suggestions for changes. I got the impression that the office is very open to change as it is still growing and developing - and come on, you know me, I love CHANGE. Haha.

My last part of the interview was a tour of the construction site of a new residence hall and let me tell you... WHOA BABY!!! That building will be AMAZING! And in everything they did, they thought about what would work best for the staff and for programming. To work in such a facility....

Why do bad things always happen on/around my birthday?

I know, I know. I'm in the middle of telling you all about "the interview" and now I suddenly post this entry about a completely different topic. No worries, the interview story will continue...soon.
But I had to get something else off my chest....

Why do bad things always happen on/around my birthday? Over the past few years, it just seems that bad things always happen just around this time of the year. And then it's my birthday and people expect me to be super happy and excited...and I can't because there's too much bad stuff going on. So in the last few years, I've started trying to ignore my birthday. I don't really celebrate; I avoid people so I don't have to hear them wishing me a happy birthday and expect me to be all happy/cheerful in return when I'm just wondering what the next bad thing is that will happen.
I'm usually not superstitious and yes, my brain definitely tells me that it's just been a coincidence that some bad things have happened around my birthday, but still....

So anyway, this year...

Well, there was the whole car issue (see "The Interview - Part I"). Granted, it didn't happen ON my birthday but four days before. I did have the pleasure though to dealing with it ON my birthday. I woke up early to call AAA to have my car towed to the dealership. Then, I was on the phone with the dealership several times throughout the day trying to figure out what was going on (they had to drain the tank and clean out the fuel system and all that - they thought there could be more damage, fortunately they at least "think" now that there isn't...they're not sure though and I'm supposed to keep an eye on that); I got to pay $279 for all this; I met with the police and filed a police report.
I had wanted to go to the movies on my birthday. I had scheduled some late-evening evaluation meetings with my RAs, but there was this long break in the middle of the day. So I figured, since I was working in the evening, why not take a couple hours off and go to the movies. The Hannah Montana movie is out. I know, childish, cheesy, all this...still, I enjoy the Disney channel and I'm sure I'll enjoy this movie. So yeah, that was my plan. But then, without my car, I couldn't go because it wasn't playing in town and I didn't have anyone who'd drive me to the next town or who'd want to go to the movie with me. So much for having fun on your birthday....

I was in a pretty crappy mood but I kept telling myself, "Don't worry. At least you'll have fun this weekend." Because for this weekend, one of my friends and I had planned to go to Denver for a concert and just to get away from here and have fun. That was supposed to be my birthday celebration! It'd also be the first real vacation I'm taking this semester. Needless to say, I've been looking forward to this all semester!!!

So anyway, I wake up this morning with a killer headache. Great! I drag myself to the office; do work - one thing after the other keeps going wrong. Residents telling Housing I'm saying things I never said (actually I said exactly the opposite); Housing (instead of calling me to check) calls my supervisor and then I get that lovely phone call from my supervisor. I'm still dealing with key issues that started at the beginning of April. Students messing up RSVP numbers for our banquet on Monday and me having to call and change those - and then receiving fun e-mails that are suggesting "nicely" that I'm an idiot. Me trying to figure out where exactly the concert tomorrow is and being unable to do so - being transferred back and forth between the same offices until I finally gave up and figured I'll just go there, drive around and try to find it.
The whole time, the thing that cheers me up: tomorrow you'll be far away from here and having a great time!!!!

And then I get a phone call from my friend. It's supposed to snow tomorrow in Denver and her parents are forbidden her to fly. What!?! We can't cancel anything at this point. Yes, it's supposed to snow - and if it gets really bad there's a chance that our flight will be cancelled. But there's also a chance it won't. And me, for my part, am very willing to take that chance. Okay, so if we make it to Denver and it snows a lot, we may not be able to do all the things we wanted to do. But we'll still be far away from here, in a hotel with a swimming pool, relaxing and having a great time! Isn't that worth it? I mean, we already paid for all this...
And yes, if it gets really bad, they'll cancel the flight and we won't be able to go. But let's at least try and go to the airport and see what happens.

Argh! I can't believe this is happening. I'm still going to Denver. But my friend doesn't want to make her parents angry; so it looks like my fabulous birthday celebration that I've been looking forward to for months will be a very lonely adventure.

I guess we jinxed ourselves by calling it "my birthday celebration."

The interview - Part 1

I got in my car to drive to Wal-mart (I don't like Wal-mart...I definitely don't want to support Wal-mart...but when you live in a small college town, you don't have many other options for some quick shopping). I noticed the motor sounded funny. I turned down the music. Yes, this definitely didn't sound normal. I pull over. What was wrong? Oh, the cap to my gas tank was open. Strange! I hadn't gotten gas in at least two or three weeks; there's no way it could have been open for that long without me noticing. And it's not like it just opens by itself.
I closed it and got back in my car. Was the weird sound still there? I couldn't really tell. I made it to Wal-mart and back, parked my car and went back to my apartment.

That night, I packed for my on-campus interview. I tried to pack light, after all I was going for only one and half days. But - with different shoes and interview outfits - it wasn't an easy task. Finally, I had everything and it was time to go to bed.

The next morning, I got up early. I showered, straightened my hair, threw a few more things in my suitcase. It was early, so I took my time, played around on the computer. Finally I got my stuff and walked out to the parking lot. I got in my car, turned the key and...
The motor started but it sounded really strange. Then it died. Various warning lights came on. AHHHH!!! Okay, let's not panic. I took a deep breath, turned the key again - same thing. Oh man, what am I gonna do? I looked at the time. I had about an hour and a half before I had to be at the airport - it takes an hour to get there. What could I do? There was no way I could get AAA to come and look at my car in time - and them fixing it in time - no way. Who could I call? I hate calling people. I hate having to ask for favors. I started dialing numbers.... The first few people weren't there. Then, one of my colleagues picked up. I felt horrible having to ask him, but what else could I do?

I just made it to the airport. I was trying to concentrate on the upcoming interview and forget about my car. But how could I not think about it? What could be wrong with it? I remembered that the cap for the gas tank had been open. Could someone have poured something in my gas tank? That would be so mean! But then, I couldn't think of any other explanation. And why else would the gas tank be open???

Finally... but then again...

Finally something is going right in my life. The school that has offered me an on-campus interview and that was looking into my visa status got back to me and told me that it shouldn't be a problem. *Sigh* I'm so relieved. I still haven't heard from anyone else but I have one interview and it's for a school I really really liked. If this could just work out....

But then I had an "interesting" 1:1 with my supervisor this week. She asked how the job search was going and I gave her the update - I'm getting really sick of having to relive all these issues over and over again - and then she started asking me if I was applying for more jobs and what I was doing to make sure I get a job. I think she believes that I don't take this job search seriously enough. But to honest, I just can't do it anymore. Everytime I am told by an institution that they cannot hire me because of my visa status, a little of the love I have for this country and working in Student Affairs vanishes. I'm not sure how many more rejections I can handle...because it's not like they gave me a fair chance to apply and then maybe I don't get the job because there was a more qualified candidate or someone that just "fit" better at that institution - I could handle that - but not even being given a chance, not even being able to prove that I would be a great employee...it's not fair! It feels like I'm not just being turned down from a job, it feels like I'm not wanted in this country.

Yes, it's my own fault. I wanted to move her. I fell in love with working with college students and wanted to pursue a career doing what I love. But I've also given up a lot - I don't get to see my family very often; I rarely see my three best friends. It's hard living on your own, having to deal with everything on your own.

I chose this and I can handle it, but when I'm constantly being turned down, when it feels like this country doesn't want me...that's just too much.

If this on-campus interview works out, FABULOUS. If another school I like calls me and offers me an on-campus interview and it works out, GREAT. But if it doesn't, then maybe it just wasn't meant to happen. Because honestly, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired, tired of trying, tired of fighting. I just want to crawl into bed and not think and not have to deal with life anymore.


I was okay after I heard from the school that offered me the on-campus. I was more than okay, I was thrilled. I was excited. I had to stop myself from dreaming about that new job already, making plans about moving there, thinking about the fun times we'd have when my friends would visit. I was living a dream...

And now, after a 1:1 with my supervisor, I'm sitting here, tears in my eyes, ready to give up. Isn't that the opposite of what 1:1's should do?

I'm seriously scared...

I don't even know where to start...

I came back from ACPA three days ago and it feels like it's been a lifetime ago. Toward the end of ACPA and when I first got back, I was worrying about what type of positions I should consider - would it be okay if I stayed with a Hall Director-level position or should I try and get a mid-manager position? I lost sleep over it; I called friends, colleagues and mentors and asked for advice; I kept going over job responsibilities; and and and. I tried to figure out which positions would be my top choices - if they called for an on-campus interview - so I'd know which ones I wanted to go to and if there were any where I wouldn't accept an on-campus interview.
Now all this seems stupid and I'm just hoping to get a job...

But before I jump to what's going on now, I do want to fill you in on the last few days.

There definitely weren't as many positions at ACPA as there had been in past years, especially if I looked for mid-manager level positions. I applied for a few mid-manager positions - many of them at smaller institutions, private, some religiously affiliated. I also applied for Hall Director positions, some where I would be supervising graduate students (something I already do here) and some where I wouldn't. I thought interviews went alright - well apparently the one at the school that initially told me that they weren't doing second interviews but then did those didn't go so well (see my previous post) but other than that, I got a number of second interviews and other schools seemed interested (and I actually believe that they did not do second interviews). But what I was finding was that either loved the institution and the people I would be working with or I found a postition that would be a good next step in my career.

Would it be such a bad idea to work as a Hall Director? Even if I didn't have grads to supervise anymore, there are still things I could learn from these positions. I'd get to know a different institution, a different department, a new way of doing things. I would see how a more traditional Residence Life department functions, one that doesn't combine Residence Life and Academic Advising. If I want to be a Director of Residence Life, wouldn't that be a good experience?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really wanted to make my personal life and my happiness a priority. I've always made every decision based on what would be best for my career. I picked the positions, the schools - not the places I wanted to live. And while I love my job, I don't love living here. I'm a workaholic and I'd probably be a workaholic everywhere - but when there aren't many things to do around here for me (at least not things I really enjoy doing), it's even easier to just get stuck in the office every evening. So for once, I want to move to a place that I'll enjoy living in. But I also don't want to commit professional suicide. Would I be able to explain at a future interview why I decided to stay in a similar position or even "take a step back"?

One of my colleagues has been giving me a hard time, saying that I'm selling myself short and that I'm making a mistake. It's so frustrating. He just doesn't seem to understand what's important to me. For the past three years, colleagues have been giving me a hard time about not having balance in my life - now that I'm trying to make a decision based on my happiness and personal life, they're once again giving me a hard time. Argh!

I called friends, colleagues and mentors. While most seemed hesitant to advise me to take a position where I wouldn't be supervising grads and would "just" be a Hall Director, they also didn't say that I shouldn't do that. And I get it - supervising grads would be a good experience if I want to move on to a position supervising full-time staff. But I've done this for the past three years and while it may seem a little backwards, it doesn't take that experience away from me.

I just feel like I've been on this fast track - moving up quickly. I was an RA for only one year - then became a Senior RA for my building, so I didn't have residents anymore but worked with the staff. The following year, I was the Senior RA for the entire campus, so I didn't even have a building staff anymore. I enjoyed the positions and liked the additional responsibilities, but I missed having residents, I missed being part of a staff. Then, I was a grad student; first an assistant to a coordinator, which was great because I got experience working with five very different housing areas; then I ran the Family Housing area, again a great and unique experience but I just never had my own traditional student staff, the experience of running a traditional residence hall, doing judicial, building community and so on. My first full-time position, I got to supervise grads, I academically advised - I've had a great experience but I've also been stressed all the time. I've always felt like I haven't had enough time for my staff and for the students. I don't make it to as many programs as I like. And after three years, I'm just tired. Not just the not-having-gotten-enough-sleep tired but the I-don't-want-to-get-up-and-go-to-work tired. I don't want to be tired anymore. I want to have time to focus on the things I enjoy doing. I want to have time for my staff and my students. I want to have a traditional Residence Life experience.

But like I said at the beginning of this post, all these worries seem pointless now. I just want/need a job. I've had two schools contact me and offer me on-campus interviews. Once I told them that I'm not a US citizen but am here on an H1B visa, they had to check with their Human Resources Department - and after doing that, called me back to tell me that they would not be able to hire me. It's not their fault - one of them seemed really sad when she told me. If HR says no, it's no.

I told one of my supervisors and he couldn't believe it. Americans rarely understand how hard it is to find a job when you're not a citizen or permanent resident. And I understand that the US needs to be strict with their immigration laws - but wouldn't you think they'd make an exception for someone who has a bachelor's and master's degree from American institutions and has lived here for 9 years.

One school is currently checking into whether or not they'd be able to hire me. They said they don't think it should be a problem, but after having gotten a "no" from two other schools, I'm really nervous. I would absolutely love to work at that school. I really enjoyed my interviews with them. I like the position. And I LOVE the city I'd be living in. I even know someone who works there...it'd just be perfect. Awww, I'm so nervous. And if I get a "no" from them, I'm not even sure if anyone else will offer me an on-campus interview. My list is getting shorter and shorter...

I'm seriously scared.

Uh uh, not cool

So the CD I got from this school - I don't think it'll be opened.

At the end of my interview, I asked what their process looked like. And they told me that they were not planning on doing second interviews at the conference but would just return home, look through all their notes and then contact candidates in regards to on-campus interviews. I left the table in good spirits, thinking the interview had gone alright and being pretty excited about this opportunity.

Two days later, I noticed that another candidate was having a second interview with that school. What!?! At first I thought, maybe I'd been wrong. I mean, they had TOLD me that they were not planning on having second interviews. I started watching that table a little more closely. Oh yes, these candidates were definitely having one hour interviews (and mine had only been half an hour) and I was pretty sure I was recognizing candidates who had interviewed with them before.

Oh, so NOT cool!!!

If you don't like me, that's fine. But don't give me wrong information.

Oh well, ....

I'm back from ACPA and the job search has moved into the next stage: the on-campus/decision-making stage. NOT one of my favorite stages. But more about that later. (Sorry, it's just that it's late and I really need to go to bed and that next entry will probably be a rather lengthy one because there's a lot to talk about/process.)