Finally something is going right in my life. The school that has offered me an on-campus interview and that was looking into my visa status got back to me and told me that it shouldn't be a problem. *Sigh* I'm so relieved. I still haven't heard from anyone else but I have one interview and it's for a school I really really liked. If this could just work out....
But then I had an "interesting" 1:1 with my supervisor this week. She asked how the job search was going and I gave her the update - I'm getting really sick of having to relive all these issues over and over again - and then she started asking me if I was applying for more jobs and what I was doing to make sure I get a job. I think she believes that I don't take this job search seriously enough. But to honest, I just can't do it anymore. Everytime I am told by an institution that they cannot hire me because of my visa status, a little of the love I have for this country and working in Student Affairs vanishes. I'm not sure how many more rejections I can handle...because it's not like they gave me a fair chance to apply and then maybe I don't get the job because there was a more qualified candidate or someone that just "fit" better at that institution - I could handle that - but not even being given a chance, not even being able to prove that I would be a great employee...it's not fair! It feels like I'm not just being turned down from a job, it feels like I'm not wanted in this country.
Yes, it's my own fault. I wanted to move her. I fell in love with working with college students and wanted to pursue a career doing what I love. But I've also given up a lot - I don't get to see my family very often; I rarely see my three best friends. It's hard living on your own, having to deal with everything on your own.
I chose this and I can handle it, but when I'm constantly being turned down, when it feels like this country doesn't want me...that's just too much.
If this on-campus interview works out, FABULOUS. If another school I like calls me and offers me an on-campus interview and it works out, GREAT. But if it doesn't, then maybe it just wasn't meant to happen. Because honestly, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired, tired of trying, tired of fighting. I just want to crawl into bed and not think and not have to deal with life anymore.
I was okay after I heard from the school that offered me the on-campus. I was more than okay, I was thrilled. I was excited. I had to stop myself from dreaming about that new job already, making plans about moving there, thinking about the fun times we'd have when my friends would visit. I was living a dream...
And now, after a 1:1 with my supervisor, I'm sitting here, tears in my eyes, ready to give up. Isn't that the opposite of what 1:1's should do?
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hi there -- i've commented before, i am also a (ex, now) student affairs professional and was working on an H1B. i KNOW exactly how you are feeling and it is extremely difficult and disheartening to feel that your visa is the such an obstacle to professional advancement - i lived my life that way for many years. but, i think you are very right to prioritize your happiness - and if that means taking some time away from the US, then so be it. have you looked into canada at all? as i understand it, canadian immigration is much more straight forward and the student affairs positions are similar to here.
best of luck, don't give up and be sure to find out for yourself if the school sponsors H1Bs or not - sometimes the hiring person doesn't even know how/who to ask!
if you want to chat more off-line, let me know!
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