I was reading someone else's blog tonight and the comments section (he had 25 comments about one of his posts!!!) was a few people arguing back and forth. And as the argument went on, getting more and more heated, the attacks also became more and more personal and I became more and more intrigued - I was trying to figure out why people feel that they need to make everything personal. Why do heated debates about topics so often turn into personal attacks? Why can't we just debate, argue or provide constructive feedback but leave out all that personal stuff???
We recently received the results to one of the surveys our office does every year. The survey asks residents to talk about their experiences in the residence halls, the academic advising that they receive and the community in general. It also allows them to provide some general feedback and suggestions for improvement. As I was reading through the comments, some of them were helpful (e.g. students asking for more community service activities) but others were simply frustrating. One student, for example, said - when asked what could be done to improve our living learning community - that I am the worst aspect of the community and then continued to question my taste in music. How does my taste in music relate to anything I do as a First Year Adviser? Tell me what it is that I did that you didn't like - then I could see how I can stop being so horrible, but with all respect I do believe I still have the right to choose what type of music I want to listen to.
We all know that we can't make every student happy. But it's not fun seeing a comment like "...is the worst adviser" or "she is horrible at her job and does not care about the people in the building." At those moments, I wish I didn't care because then these comments couldn't hurt me. If you need me to be more available, that's something I can try to work on (within limits because occasionally even I have to sleep); or if you didn't feel like I explained the academic requirements clearly enough, that's something I can try to do better in the future. But when you just attack me, what am I supposed to do?
I guess it's just one of those things...when someone doesn't know what to say, maybe feels like he or she is losing an argument or is frustrated with a situation but isn't brave enough to address the issue directly and honestly, one just slashed out and turns things into a personal attack. It's why an animal that feels cornered and doesn't see a way out may attack you - even if it's usually a very peaceful being. Maybe it's the inability to find the right words to express one's concerns that leads to some of those rather hurtful comments. And maybe I just got on the wrong side of one of those students because I actually do my job and enforce policies and don't let them walk all over me.
I do want to take this feedback seriously though and see what I can do to improve. How else will I grow as a professional? So as much as I need to find a way not to let those comments hurt me personally and keep me up at night, I also can't just dismiss them and pretend they didn't exist. There are some students in this building, who are very unhappy with how I've been doing my job - and even if that's only a handful, that means I need to reevaluate whether or not I'm doing a good job or if there are areas where I need to step it up a little.
I shared some of the survey results with my staff (the ones that pertained to them) and I was a bit frustrated with their reaction. There were several areas where we didn't do so well in, especially compared to the averages from all residence halls. And yes, some of those areas were surprising to me as well and I've been trying to figure out why we may have gotten those results. But while it would have been okay for them to say that they were surprised, I wasn't very impressed with their need to immediately come up with a million excuses and question the validity of the survey. Or what about the argument that since only 60 out of our 280 residents filled out the survey when 50% of them were unhappy, those were in the end only 30 students - so why make a big deal out of it?
I guess as much as people don't know how to provide constructive feedback or have a civilized conversation, people also don't know how to receive feedback and learn from it. *Sigh.* is.
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2 comments:
i think that the hardest part of surveys like these is remembering that effectiveness and student satisfaction are often two VERY different things. the ways in which you might try to help students grow and learn (not telling them which classes to take precisely or asking them to be aware of quiet hours) are important and make you an effective hall director but aren't likely to get great reactions from students, particularly when they think your job has more to do with customer service than education. don't forget the difference!
That's a good point. And it definitely helps me to remember that we're not in a customer-service field but in education. It's easier with comments like "She didn't tell me what classes to take" - I read that and think, "Okay, good, I'm doing my job right because I shouldn't be telling you what classes to take." It's harder when the attacks are personal, when there's no explanation about what I did that they didn't like...if I just knew what it was - then I could either accept that it may be because I was trying to educate a student vs. just doing what they want me to do OR fix it/change it if it's something that should be fixed/changed. But when you know nothing other than that a student thinks you do a terrible job...what do you do then?
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