On "putting yourself out there"

Music I'm listening to: Hmm, do I even have to say it? We The Living, of course...haha.
Time: 3: 18 am


I should really be in bad, especially considering my to do list has 12 items on it and all of those will take a considerable amount of time...and of course I'll basically be in meetings all day starting at 9 am. So getting up at 6 or the latest 7 am looks like a necessity right now. But for whatever reason, I can't seem to fall asleep so I've decided to write a little to clear my head.

We have these "Toilet Talks." They're basically 11x17 sheets of paper with information on it (they usually look like a newsletter) that are posted in the toilet stalls. The most recent one was part of our "Love Your Body" Week and since i wasn't able to find many helpful resources I used a column that I have written several years ago for the student newspaper at my undergrad. The column basically talked about how I'm not always happy with the way I look and how - while media plays a part of it - I see body image issues as a larger issue in our society and how we need to fight that image in our head that shows us what we're supposed to look like.

Apparently this innocent little column has sparked some conversation amongst residents. Reactions seem to range from "it takes guts to put yourself out there like that" to "how can she be taken seriously in a professional world when she admits to things like that."

Here's a secret...

I'm a writer. I write for the writing's sake. I don't think about what people will think about what I write - or what they'll think about me based on what I write. Most of the time I'm in complete denial about the fact that people actually read what I write. This column is a good example. I'm always surprised when there's a comment. Why would anyone actually care about my ramblings at 3 am? I just write because it allows me to process, to reflect, to make sense of what's going on in my life.

And here's another secret...

You don't have to be perfect. Me admitting that I'm not happy with my body image doesn't affect my work as a Residence Life staff member. On the contrary, students that are facing similar issues may feel more comfortable talking to me now they know that I struggle with this as well. My job is about relating to people; and aren't people more likely to relate someone they see as human, with mistakes and issues, than to this "perfect" person?

And lastly....

Once you've reached a certain level of maturity and - hmmm, should we say "self-authorship" (I must have been reading Marcia Baxter Magolda lately) you just don't care all that much anymore about what others think about you. I do what I think is right, what feels right - if that's going to two concerts of my favorite band in one weekend or sharing in a column some very personal issues. I'm not here to impress any of my residents; I'm not here to be popular. I'm here to educate; I'm here to make an impact on students' lives.

Granted, it's taken me a long time. I have given in under peer pressure before. I remember those days in college when you just wanted to be "cool," when you'd never admit that you're struggling with something. But I'm glad I've moved past that...and I hope one day my students will as well.